Check Out Time... High Noon

While traveling in the Offbeat Frontier sometimes you have to rest. When sleeping in your car or crashing at your old frat brother’s house is not in the cards, a motel can be a great second or third option. In the spirit of this blog’s forte, Offbeat has the perfect places to set up camp.

Get your kicks!

Pun defiantly intended here folks, Welcome to the Wigwam Hotel. Visiting Rialto? Of course you would. Forget Disneyland. One of only three, the Wigwam Motel #7 is a monument to the golden age of roadside Americana. Just right off the historic Route 66, families, foreigners, and adulterers looking for a good time, can be a guest at the unique hotel.

If the teepee is a rockin', call maintenance.

Advice and Facts for staying at the Wigwam Motel:

1) Do not attempt to steal Custard’s Last Night Stand adjacent to the bed

2) If needed the U.S. government can place you on a reservation.... help you with your reservation.

3) This Motel was actually built on an ancient pilgrim burial site.

4) The pool is shaped like a tomahawk.

5) The bedspreads are small pox free!

6) All station wagons must be parked in circle formation.

7) No “pitching a tent jokes” allowed

How The West Was Fun

When thinking about the word Frontier, the mind tends to wonder towards the images of cowboys, wagon trains, Frontier Airlines and of course western movies. Outside of Hollywood, about 130 miles east (if you headed west you’d get wet) is the town of Pioneertown, CA home to a long standing western movie set.

Pioneertown USA

Founded in 1946, Pioneertown was built as set for western films where actors and crew could not only shoot, but live during productions. Such films include, The Valiant Hombre (1948), On Top of Old Smokey (1953 – with Gene Autry), and The Howling 7: New Moon Rising (1995). The set is still used today for films, commercials, and mostly likely for The Howling 8: Bad Moon Rising.

Sound Stage

The only Sound Stage left, might just have been a barn

and they put a sign up. We will truly never know, because it was locked.

Here are two clips from The Howling 8: Bad Moon Rising:

Clip #1: Howling Revealed

Clip #2: Comic Relief

Like most great things, a fire happened. Fortunately most of the set is still intact. On the weekends the locals put on reenactments and gun fights. There is even a cool and odd bowling alley for the kiddies. When you drop off the rug rats, drink your sorrows away at the dive bar Pappy & Harriet’s, which is know to have “the best Honky Tonk west of the Mississippi”. So apparently Dallas can suck it when it comes to “Honky Tonk”.

Pioneer Bowl: Bumpers are for City Slickers

Our Offbeat Explorers went on a weekday so there wasn’t much going on other than a Deliverance Hidden Camera Show. Was pretty sure that glass storeowner was going to skin one of us. Kind of creepy, but we had the town to ourselves, it was a blast.

"Marshall... watch out for him, he's plum loco."

So if you are near the 29 Palms area and want to experience The Hills Have Eyes, mosey on down to Pioneertown.

Oddly the tracks did not lead to a mine

Mane Street (in the west, no one corrects you)

Custom Saddles, you bet!

Interior of the Wagon Wheel Saloon

Raiders of the Golden Arches

Offbeat Frontier took an excursion to the Inland Empire. We only lost one person. Our goal was to “lose” two, but Larry is just too cunning. Anyway the team took a detour and encountered what is probably the most important historical site this side of the Prime Meridian (other than Branson, Missouri) the site of the first McDonald's. I now know what it was like to be apart of The Crusades, minus the killings.

Tucked away in the “Sunny Part” San Bernardino off of E Street (two blocks down is where Bruce and the band got started as well), the “OG McDs” can be found. Unfortunately it is no longer a functional fast food dispensary. The building is now the headquarters for the restaurant chain, Jaun Pollo. The good news is that half of the building is a mini-museum dedicated to the history and memorabilia of the franchise juggernaut. The golden years of Grimace, Chicken McNugget Gang, & Garfield Collectible Glassware are all waiting to be relived.

The McNugget Gang!

It’s too bad the Mc Mega Giant lacks the interest in preserving its roots. By the way, only spend fifteen minutes in the museum. After twenty your car will be stripped for parts.

Top Five Highlights of McDonald Museum:

5) Mac Tonight

You can’t get away with a singing Crescent Moon these days. For those who don’t remember, this was McD’s campaign of their late hours.

4) Happy Meal Toys… All of Them!

Remember all those plastic toys you had to have, then after a month they would disappear in you couch or thrown at your little siblings? Or better yet the summer Hot Wheels/Barbie toys? This place has them all. It’s astounding! They even have some of the displays for the toys.

3) Officer Big Mac

Equivalent to a child’s Freudian Nightmare, they have the old hamburger officer playground structure. And if there is an Officer Big Mac, does that mean the Hamburglar was a murder?

2) Festival of Happy Meal Boxes

Like some sort of Cholesterol holiday decorations, they have a collection of Happy Meal boxes hanging from the ceiling. One thought comes to mind, since this is not supported by the corporation. Who keep all these boxes? The toys I understand, but the boxes?

1) Tetanus!

Just by looking at the old sign you get a sense that just by stepping on the property, you’re going to get tetanus, but I guess that’s the over all decor of San Bernardino.

Journey To The Center Of Kansas

Journey to the Center of Kansas No Dorothy References Please

The city of Hutchinson, Kansas (referred as “Hutch” with the in crowd) is home to many of the Sunflower State’s treasures. The Kansas State Fair is held there, they have a municipal airport, and better yet a Sonic Drive-In. But it is 650 feet below where the true offbeat prize is stored. No, not Jimmy Hoffa, but The Underground Salt Museum. A museum underground, jackpot! The Underground Salt Museum takes the visitor through the wonderful world of a salt mine (still active a few miles away), touching on the history of mining, the folklore, and I guess some geology stuff.

Scene From You Only Live Twice?

Only 28 people can take the tour at a time, due to either a shortage of hard hats, insurance, or oxygen availability. You take a 90 second elevator ride 650 feet below in total darkness. Pretty creepy when you're surrounded by kids with no parental supervision. The Doors open and your destination reached. (which has an uncanny resemblance to a James Bond villain’s layer)

From there you take a tour of the tunneled out catacombs, along the way you see such "Mine Marvels" like a “Macgyver-isc” vehicle (apparently what ever equipment the miners brought down could not be brought back up for repairs, thus they had to be inventive), the guide shows you various mine shafts explaining the engineering techniques, problems, and life underground. If that wasn't enough to tickle your fancy, you even get some rock salt (Bangarang!).

Once the tram tour concludes you get to walk around and gawk at old machinery, cardboard cut outs, and better yet, well lit blocks of salt.

A Well Lit Block of Salt

The best part about this tour is that it’s not just about “science” (which can be cold and not call you the next day after a night out).

Because of the conditions inside the mine (the constant temperature and dryness) it is ideal for archival storage of film, television masters, props, and other semi-important documents.

The Underground Vaults & Storage currently house masters of The Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind, and Star Wars. Unfortunately you can’t go into the storage area, but they have some other classic props on display: The weather device from Twister, Dorothy IV, or even this Cinema gem:

Mr. Freeze - Batman & Robin

Offbeat Frontier plans to visit this great attraction many times in the future, as it is one of five things to do when you are visiting your folks for the holidays. The other four involve playing the Wii.

More Pictures:

Film Storage, you bet!

Data Storage Evolution Exhibit or

Set Piece from War Games donated by Matthew Broderick

They told me there was a Salt Minotaur and that

I should not go exploring alone. I did as I was told.

Keeping it Classy Underground

Once Upon A Construction Permit

Hidden away in the far off land of Culver City lies an enchanted neighborhood on Dunn Drive.

Hobbit House & Story Time Village Residence

Built by a Disney Artist in the 40s, the Hobbit house and adjacent cottages are available to be gawked at by the public. Though folks and woodland creatures live in the residences (assuming rent is paid in gold spun from straw) visitors cannot venture inside. However you can still bother them by taking pictures in front of their property. They encourage it!

Some say on nights that harbor full moons, if one walks by the hobbit house and says aloud Rumpelstillskin three times while spinning backwards three things can occur. If this is your first offence, you’ll be turned into one of the many human statues that are located in downtown Culver City.

Family turned to Statues as a result of ticking off fairy tale estate.

On your second offence (granted you escaped becoming a statue) one of the child stars from the Disney Channel will steal your soul for fuel. (most likely those kids who live in a hotel/cruise ship, I don’t know how that works).

Then lastly on a third offence (many don’t make it this far) the authorities are called and you are taken to jail, cause hobbits don’t f*#& around when they are being messed with at their humble homes

* Note: The exploitive is censored as the word Disney will be placed as a tag for this article and I don’t need angry letters from the studio or parents. I already received enough of those when I worked at Disneyland and had to resign. Ah, memories.

Discovery in Baker

New Side Effect of Global Warming in Baker

Skeptics of Global Warming have been using this year’s heavy winter storms to support the argument that climate change is not currently affecting the planet. However a phenomenon developing in pockets of the world are changing the way both politicians and the scientist are viewing the issue.

A strange occurrence of what experts (men in white coats) are calling “No Temperature” is baffling the scientific community. In the March article of Weatherific: Scientific Americana, “No Temperature” is described as an event where no temperature (like the name of the weather classification) occurs and no Fahrenheit readings can be made (as for Celsius, well it was an American study, so they didn’t bother to check or convert).

The discovery was made in the township of Baker, California. The phenomenon was easily noticeable in Baker as it is home to the world’s largest thermometer, convenient. A climatologist grad student heading home from Las Vegas was first on the scene. “ Yeah, I stopped to get gas and I looked up to see what the temperature was and… there was nothing displayed. (pictured left) It freaked me out. I started thinking, I don’t feel hot or cold. I called the authorities”

Though being slightly hung-over, the youth was correct, according to the 134-foot tall structure, there was no temperature in Mojave Desert, which can be considered somewhat odd.

San Bernardino County officials advised residents to put both central air and heating on in their homes as to combat the either extreme heat and/or freezing conditions. An unofficial statement was made by the county clerk: “We have applied for federal and state emergency resources just in case this escalates to an emergency, we can’t predict at this time that we will either need or get the aid. I just hope we caught this early enough.”

Baker is not the only instance. Reports are coming in from all over the globe of strange weather related events. Here is some home video footage from the Ukraine.

Footage from the Ukraine

Skeptics are stating that the video evidence is a ploy by Hollywood to impose “their agenda” and that the incident in Baker was merely a “power outage” that turned off the world famous landmark. Though there might be some truth behind these allegations, one thing is clear... and I don’t know what that is.

Headless Statue of Lenin Fun Facts

1. The statue is a life size representation of Lenin (according to Soviet Propaganda)

2. Was originally displayed in the city park zoo in Minsk, Belarus. On his birthday officials would dress bears in ceremonial garments and roller skates and parade the bears for all to enjoy.

3. Scholars say this statue is one of a kind. Out of all 320 Lenin statues made, this one depicts Lenin holding a hat in his left hand. It is a known fact that Lenin did not like hats or cats. He did enjoy rhymes though.

4. No one is allowed to stand near or mock the statue.

5. The statue was used in the film Agent Cody Banks.

6. In a Moscow casino, a headless statue of George Washington is displayed for tourist. It's in poor taste.

7. The Verve wrote “Bitter Sweet Symphony” after seeing the statue on tour.

8. Tabloids say that Zsa Zsa Gabor has been hiding in a secret compartment in the statue despite the fact she is Hungarian, not Russian.

9. Lenin’s head was cut down days after the fall of the Berlin wall. The Belarus people gave the head to President Ronald Regan and now can be seen in The Trophy Room of the Ronald Regan Presidential Library.

10. In accordance with the terms and conditions of purchasing the statue, the Mandalay Bay Resort & Casino has to frequently reapply pigeon droppings to keep the statue historically accurate. At 3pm everyday, a russian bum must sleep near the statue and harass guests.

11. Nostradamus foretold that communism, along with my attempt to win big at the craps table, would fail.

“It’s A Living” The Museum of Jurassic Technology

In the Offbeat Frontier one does not have to travel far to find adventure. February’s visit to The Museum of Jurassic Technology was equivalent to finding a golden nugget…of grade A awesomeness. To the first time visitor, the museum can seem strange, as if you’re teleported to a twilight zone episode where the main character is shown a hipster’s heaven or possibly a sportscasters’ hell. The Museum’s mission statement sums it up best, the institution “is dedicated to the advancement of knowledge and the public appreciate of the Lower Jurassic.” (For those playing the home game the Lower/Early Jurassic period was about 185-170 million years ago). Automatically when you hear the name, the intellectual side of your sense of humor becomes curious and intrigued.

The collections and exhibits on display are not only educational but also entertaining. Here are some of the highlights that I enjoyed:

Lives of Perfect Creatures: Dogs of the Soviet Space Program

On the second floor of the museum is a memorial of the first living creatures to leave Earth and reach the cosmos. Seven portraits of dogmonauts (Soviet stray rocket dogs) hang from the walls to honor their sacrifice to explore the final frontier. A candle lit vigil burns in front of the portrait of Laika, the first K9 of the Soviet Space Program. The pièce de résistance of the exhibit was a soviet made documentary. Our group of Offbeat Frontier Explorers were the only ones screening the film at the time. As soon as we noticed the quality of the documentary (lacking focus in both content and picture) the theater experience became a Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode. The humorous commentary we were able to come up with made the hour-long epic (about what we think had to do with the space program and/or dogs) bearable.

Garden of Eden On Wheels: Selected Collections from Los Angeles Area Mobile Home & Trailer Parks

This portion of the museum was dedicated to the culture and history of mobile homes, the biblical reference of the ark in their design and the need for trailers in America. Dioramas of various mobile homes (tornado alley was my favorite), collections from dwellers of trailers, and a map showing all the mobile home parks in the world (USA number one as always) all enable you to have a better understanding and respect towards the Mobile Home culture.

Tell The Bees: Belief, Knowledge & Hypersymoblic Cognition

This exhibit explores practices and origins of superstition. Why you should drape sheets over mirrors during thunder or lightning storms to the method of making sure a child is not born with a hare lip are all revealed. (Both involve ghosts)

Weirdest Item

For the life of me I cannot recall what it was called nor remember it’s purpose (probably scientific), but in a glass case, a head of a wolf or fox is displayed. On the outside of the case a pair of goggles/spectacles are mounted. When looking through the viewfinder you see a projected image of an oversized man sitting on a chair, transparent enough to be over the head of the animal, “the mind of the beast” (I guess). As you watch the projection, the man in the chair begins to bark and growl like an animal. In a nutshell, a man inside the brain of a wolf, making animal noises. I’m not sure what the significance or message was but it sure was entertaining.

Like most adventures associated with Offbeat Frontier, we have no idea what we're getting into, The Museum of Jurassic Technology was the unknown to the nth degree. I would recommended a visit to everyone I know, even to people I meet on the bus. The only downside, at least to our trip, was that other attendees did not see the humor in most of the exhibits and took it too seriously. Though there is a very good possibility that we saw the humor where there was none, the “Two & a Half Men Effect”. Not to say we did not respect either the collections or visitors in the museum, but at times it felt like hidden camera show or physiology experiment. Either way it was fun and educational experience and look forward to returning.

UFO Crashes Into Electronics Store

UFO Crashes Into Electronics Store, Story Revealed

February 12, 1998 Burbank, CA

Last night at around 1:35am, Bob Hope Airport Air Traffic Control reported an unidentified object closing on the airport. “Too big to be a weather balloon and traveling too fast to be any on time arrival of any American Airlines flight.” – Bob Salley, air traffic controller. It seemed to come in for an emergency landing at the airport, flashing it lights, turn signals, and windshield wipers to get the ground’s attention. The craft seemed to lose power mid descent and flew right into a Fry’s Electronics store adjacent to the airport. Structural damage occurred on the front of the building, luckily the store’s sign was undamaged.

“We heard this huge commotion happening in front, all the power went out immediately, then we heard strange noises” – Travis Davis, Night Manager. Little green men started hop out of the craft, stumbled around, and began scavenging for parts, probably to repair the vessel. “They started to take computer parts, stereos, TVs, everything, and I wasn’t gonna be blamed for this mess.” Mr. Davis and the three teenage minimum-wage employees began to fight back. Armed with printer cables, VHS tapes, and external hard drives, an all out intergalactic brawl broke out. The aliens, unarmed and unaccustomed to hostility took whatever they could carry, mostly music and stereo equipment, and fled the scene. Travis Davis and the rest of his team were victorious. “I told them, ‘Alright boys let’s get to work” The humans began to clean up and explore what was now, their flying saucer.

Later that day, the store attracted their biggest amount of customers in the company’s history. They accomplished this not only with their ingenious “Alien Themed” store but revealing new technology that seemed futuristic, almost out of this world. Things called mp3 players, digital camcorders, and for some reason ugg boots were being purchased like hot cakes.

With the huge success of the Burbank store, the franchised decided to theme all their stores to attract nerds, I mean customers. The Pac Man theme in Sunnyvale, Vampire/Werewolf Zoo in Dallas, and the ever popular Dudgeons and Dragons themed store in Fountain Valley were huge successes.

What ever happened to those aliens? They now own a tiling business in Ventura and formed the popular underground hip hop group “DJ Positronic and the Cosmic Crew”.

Budget Crisis Turns Secret City Defense Plane into Real Monument

Burbank, CA

Budget cuts are becoming all the rage as Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch once were. The next government program to be cut is America’s “War on Terror”. The war against evil started a massive budget surplus; officials were just to giving money away. U.S. cities began to receive funding for a unique program code-named: “Backyard Defense”. Devised by the Department of Defense to balance out the responsibility and blame should an attack on U.S. soil occur; cities, towns, and villages were given defense funding. One such township was Burbank, California.

Burbank being the stepchild of Hollywood, houses many of the entertainment industry’s studios and necessary catering company’s. Along with containing sights like the oldest Bob’s Big Boy in America, an attack on this modern day Rome would cripple America. The city thus put in place a secret defense plan: disguising a local monument to a Jetfighter to entrust their safety.

Located in the heart of Burbank, it was the perfect cover to thwart any attack. Across the street from a convalescent home, hidden between trees that make a thirty-foot blue and white jet less noticeable, the F104 Starfighter was displayed on Olive Avenue. Always on the ready, “the Spirit of Burbank” was perched in launch position, 7 days a week, 24 hours, 360 days a year (closed on federal holidays) ready for action.

Three times a day a crew, posing as boy scouts and bird watchers would refuel and service the mighty craft, as having the ship elevated this way put a massive toll on the mechanics of the vehicle.

Because of the heightened security levels (a shade of orange or red alert), two pilots were placed on stand by all hours of the day, sometimes in the evening if there was not a cross-town sports rivalry game going on between high schools. The pilots were placed in the cockpit, order not to move or talk (which is the only successful way of portraying mannequins)

Unfortunately no attack had occurred. The threat seemed like it was there, but so far away that well, someone else can handle it. So like the cutting of NASA's budget, the funding for “Backyard Defense” was dissolved. It took eight months to dismantle the jet to look like a real monument. Some say if you look close enough, you can still see the brave pilots waiting to jet off defend us from terror. Others say they are just mannequins.

For more information about “Backyard Defense” or “Mannequins” check out the neat books at your local library.